your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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