your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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