Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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