So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
