We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I want her autograph on my taint
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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