You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
