Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
