I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
