Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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