i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
