Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
