Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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