I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
