HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
