Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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