Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
this hospital has no fireball
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
