im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
The Olympian is in my bed
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
