I think i peed on brittanys purse
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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