Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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