I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
