some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
