Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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