I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Ladies don't puke and tell
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
