If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
