I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
