I didn't shave. On purpose
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
