i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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