His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize