Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
