so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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