i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
