Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
