We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
i now understand why vodka
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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