so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
