i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Can I color on your dick again?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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