Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Damn victory sex feels great
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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