Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize