She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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