Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
