Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
