well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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