Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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