i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
