the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Randomize