3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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