dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
