It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I would fuck him just for his dog
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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