she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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