i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
