he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
