why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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