Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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