Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
