One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
