I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize