literally had 100 drinks last night.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize