dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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