i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
