then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
