i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
