So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
