In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
