Quick, to the slutcave!
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize