so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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