omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
