i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
