Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Randomize
