So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
