You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
