Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize