i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
