Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
