someone get that fucking seahorse.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
